Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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