Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
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We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
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She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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