I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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