$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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