some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize