How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
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