Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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