I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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