She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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