oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
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