What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize