Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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