I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
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Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
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I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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