my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
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I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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