she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
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He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
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Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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