Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize