if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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