I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize