it was like his penis was on wheels.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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