Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize