you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
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i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
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Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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