Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize