Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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