Apparently you make a good broom.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
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