my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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