He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
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well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
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After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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