Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
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This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
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Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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