If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize