I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
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