did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
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