I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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