I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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