I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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