my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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