I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
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Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
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And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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