i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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