I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
This is the high leading the old right now
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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