1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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