ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize