the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize