the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
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I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
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6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
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