so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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