So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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