I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
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Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
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She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
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