I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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