this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
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explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
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Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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