There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize