I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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