it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
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