The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
And then my night got REAL pukey
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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